Thursday, April 12, 2012

And Now a Brief Note from our Shadowy Corporate Sponsors

I don't really know why I titled this post this. I just did. My comedy professor used this line for one of the Powerpoint slides in class on Tuesday and it stuck with me as a way to bring up a random interlude. Well, here's the random interlude. Before I go back to dark, critical theory, I thought I'd share something that came my way across Tumblr today. But first, I need to take a moment to do some strange self-reflection on my position as a blogger.

Here's the idea that came to my head, sort of a Venn diagram kind of thing. There's celebrities, there's fangirls, there's fangirls that are celebrities, and then there's fangirls that meet celebrities. And then there's me - this weird, orbiting thing dancing around all these clusters, not really a part of any of them, not really acquaintances with any of them, just... wandering about, doing her own thing. Pretty much like this gif to the left (for future reference, that's how I feel when I dance. I don't know how I look when I dance, but that's how I feel. Just in case you see me at a club and you wonder why I'm smiling so awkwardly).

Right, blogging. Blogging as I do is sort of... odd. Here I am, critiquing fangirls as one myself. Trying to stick up for them when they get shit thrown at them - and yet I'm doing the shit throwing. And then there's me calling out for the respect of celebrities and their privacy, and yet I don't know a single celebrity personally. And I'm doing all this from a blog, not exactly the most privacy-saving device in the world (so clearly I have ambivalent, unclear feelings towards my own privacy).

Oh my God, I'm turning into a psycho-analyzing culture critic. Anyway, the point is, the line between me being anything more than a blowhard, glorified fanatic and a somewhat legit, critical thinker is a very wibbly wobbly (timey wimey) line. I say all of this because what's about to come is totally none of my business and yet I feel utterly driven to say it anyway (ah, internet. You excel at convincing me my powers of free speech are extendable into utterly new hemispheres of thought).

As you might know, The Avengers premiere occurred last night. Certain fangirls have this twisted little game they play called "Where's Benedict?" Because apparently Benedict Cumberbatch is impossible to find at red carpet events. And despite the rumors they had heard that he was to attend, he (according to fans) did not. And from what I saw here and here (which you can view at your leisure), there was a disturbance in the force. By which, I mean, the fangirls seemed pissed. So, fangirls, listen up; generally, I'm not too judgy. But today... well, today is not your lucky day.

1) I'm not Benedict Cumberbatch (obviously) but I have heard (from IMDb) that he's filming a crapton of movies right now. So chillax if he wasn't at a movie premiere for a film he's not actually in; he's a busy guy.

2) You lot claim to be his biggest fans and yet you come off and do rude stuff like this. Yeah, I think it's rude. I'm not playing "who can be the best fan here" because I failed that the moment I started this blog and it doesn't matter. But of course, by saying that, it really does matter, because we all know, deep down in my weird, convoluted little heart that I want to be recognized for all this just like you want to be recognized for your fandom. Like I said before, the line is wibbly wobbly (timey wimey) (I'd apologize for the continual Doctor Who reference. But I'm not sorry).

3) You are taking the need to photo-stalk someone to a new level. Please take a deep breath and reconsider. 

4) If you make any more rude ginger comments, even in jest, I will shave off your eyebrows and draw them back on with RoseArt markers (yeah, RoseArt; you don't even get the nice Crayola ones, which means they'll be all discolored and look the wrong shade of blue or red or whatever) (Oh my God, that was the worst threat ever). Maybe I'm a bit sensitive because my best friend is a ginger and I don't find the ginger prejudice funny (seriously, it's an is issue. Because South Park brought it up to my generation and now they think it's okay to make jokes about gingers but missed the whole flipping POINT of the episode... is there a pervasive feeling of bitterness here tonight, or is that just me?). Or maybe it's really just because I'm rude and not ginger. (Both. Yeah, both is good).

So that's that. I'm rude and not ginger. We can all go home happy. (Still not sorry about the Doctor Who quotes. Sue me. (Just kidding, don't sue me Russel T. Davies and Stephen Moffat; I love your work.))
Vigilance, my friends. Vigilance! Be brave; confuse not the human with the hedgehog.

I have got to get some sleep; I've reached a new level of weird in this post.

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