Yes, I do yoga. It adds to my hipsterness, I'm sure. Can't care, won't care - I've never felt better than I have since starting it. I'm less stressed, more relaxed, happier. I feel better about my body. And it's just a ton of fun to do.
I promise this IS related to fandoms in some way, not just me blabbering on about how great meditation is. However, like most things in my life, it's going to take a long, tangent-filled explanation to get there. Which begins... now.
I had this really turbulent friendship that has basically ended over the course of this year and has plagued me with guilt and self-depreciation. I blame myself for what happened even though it wasn't my fault; I'm not blameless but what happened happened and I've finally gotten away from punishing myself for it. Mainly because no matter what, I still believe I acted in the right. The particulars of what happened don't really matter here - it's too much information as it is and it's rather hard to explain (we'll be here for the next three days in order for me to tell the whole story) but it involved a lot of secret-telling, a lot of talking behinds people's backs, and a lot of dangerous assumptions. It's cost me the the person who once was my best friend (more than that really, more like a sister), understanding from several of my other high school friends, and loss of sleep more than once. However, the confidence and self-esteem I've gained from disassociating myself from someone who always made me feel lesser than I am has been priceless. Not that the acquisition of it has been at all easy.
And then something in the last month changed. I began thinking about the situation again and feeling guilty. I found myself defensively talking about what happened once again. I thought that a friend of mine was going through a similar issue as I had (nope; turns out his friend was just being emotional and judgmental because he was afraid to tell him that he thought my friend was super hot. Yep, definitely NOT my experiences at all. Or my life :P). And then today in meditation I was sitting there, trying to get Maroon 5's stupid "Payphone" song out of my head (why, Minnesota radio stations, do you feel the need to play this song EVERY MORNING when my alarm goes off?) when my brain finally started unwinding and somehow I ended up at this statement: I obsess over actors and fandoms and things because it allows an escape from the pain that people have caused me in everyday life. I come up with all of these fantastical, wonderful scenarios for my mind to mull over instead of it obsessing over all the terrible things people have done to me and making the pain worse. I pretty much already knew this but for some reason, in light of recent events, it made it easier to see what sort of pain I was escaping from.
I, however, see escapism in a far different light. Mainly because the issues I'm dealing with do not involve things that affect the world large-scale or at all changeable. I can't change what happened. But I can at least slip away from the residual pain I'm still feeling. I've mulled over and worked out my feelings plenty; now it's time for things to work themselves out on their own accord. The least I can do is give my mind a reprieve, something else to occupy it so it doesn't burn itself out over an issue it may never be able to solve.
Okay, so fandoms do really weird stuff. But I do weird stuff all the time. I do at least five weird things before breakfast (sorry, a botched Lewis Carroll quote there, but point made). And weird can be good.