Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Where am I and where the heck am I going?

This blog had grown a great deal since it began as a meandering stumble through Tumblr. I've learned a lot, confused myself, messed up, and found a lot of great picture of hedgehogs. But as this is now a limb of my senior project, the question, "where is this going?" has become really bloody important.

This is where I am not:

- Pathologizing fandoms (aka: There is something wrong with this and it needs to be fixed): For one, I would be pathologizing myself. If I wanted to do that, I would take more abnormal psychology courses and fall victim to psychology student syndrome and think I have every disorder in the DSM. Also, this stance is not very happy and nice at times. Also, it's:

(I like the trope of using this photo. Whoever created this screenshot is my hero.)

Yes, I do not agree that fandoms or the people in them are pathological (aka crazy). If anything is pathological, it's the society, not the people.
- Taking I/O (Industrial/Organizational) psychology again: Unrelated but important. It's like someone decided to take everything I dislike about psychology and society and put it in the same place. Wait, everyone is capable of the same skill set despite their social circumstances and we can test for anything and money makes the world go 'round? What is this? The good news is now I know that I dislike this subject and it boldly shows the weaknesses in psychology like nothing before. But my professor for it rather awesome and seems a bit skeptical of certain theories herself so that makes it better. But non mi piace

- Creating cute little categories: I might have started with an attempt to do that in the "stages of fangirling" (which I still use as a tag, perhaps for ironic reasons) but that certainly didn't last long or hold up to well. Why? Because fangirls/boys/aliens/squees are incredibly diverse. And trying to pinpoint "this is exactly what's going on" will fail as badly as an attempt to cook brownie batter in a waffle maker (long story; I was told insistently that it would work). Using such categorizations is out of deconstructive interests for me now. However, it remains fangirls/boys/aliens/squees are different from non-fans and those two categories exist. But fans themselves are a widely diverse group and, as there is no good word to describe fan activity, I shall stick to fansquee (the long list of modifiers used above merely to make a point. And to be annoying).

- Freaking out about the number of page views I've gotten: I will not freak out. I will not freak out... Because the Blogger page view counter is working again (yay!) and that number is increasingly large (o.O). I would question why people keep visiting this blog but then I'd be questioning why I'm writing it in the first place and that would probably end in a self-reflexive existential debate. Maybe later.

Where I am:

- I am not certain of anything. I am certain of everything. There's a lot of shades of stuff (fifty shades, you might say ;D) and I am enjoying the confusion and awesomeness that comes with exploration. Like the 9th Doctor says about time traveling: "You can't just read the guidebook, you've got to throw yourself in! Eat the food, use the wrong verbs, get charged double and end up kissing complete strangers! Or is that just me?"

- Look, stuff!: There is a lot of this. A LOT. Mostly gifs. And photos of gentlemen with distinctive cheekbones. And an ever increasing number of books for me to read and films for me to watch and so and so forth.

- I get to practice my writing (a lot) and have its polished or unpolished product read by anyone. And you're still reading this. Bless you.

- I think I found a topic for my senior project.
More on this later, once I'm certain elaborating on the topic won't jinx me and cause everything to reach a sudden dead end for no obvious reason.

So that's that. Really just mental housekeeping on my part, cleaning up the clutter so I can get back to my usual stream of blogging. Which will resume shortly!
 *sigh*... I know. School is getting in the way of my education and whatnot. Once midterms are done though (and that's next week), things will be calm for a week or two. Even if it is almost Halloween and thus madness will ensue, I will have time to blog :D Allons-y!

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