Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Into the Unknown

If someone had told me last November that the next twelve months would be the most incredibly changing months of my life thus far, I probably wouldn't have believe them (and then been worried for the next twelve months at what exactly they meant). But they have been profoundly life-changing. Where I'm at right now is an entirely different place from where I was just a year ago.

Let me catch you up a bit. Since just September alone, I've gotten a new box office job (back at one of my favorite theaters in town, the Guthrie), landed a dramaturgy gig with a show that opens this Friday, gotten two leads on further dramaturgy work, seen a hell of a lot of theater, read some plays, took a playwriting class, started writing a couple of new plays, and began looking at MFA programs. I've been doing nothing but theater and I've never been happier.

Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been a walk in the park. I've had the usual experiences - perpetual fatigue, no social life, a diet based mostly on carbs and protein-based substances (lots of eggs and lots of pizza) that when expressed is generally preaching to the choir. And then there's the idiosyncrasies of any production - the show I dramaturged was a big learning experience and an insight into the complexities of the production process. And then there's the crippling self-doubt - also unfortunately commonplace - in which I wonder why the hell am I doing this. During tech, it's not unusual for actors to proclaim that they hate theater. It's a little hard to not go through it all and not have a small bit of hatred for what you love. As messed up as that might sound to you, trust me that you learn to deal with it and it often makes the successes all the more important.

What I'm struggling with on some level is where I am, where I'm going, and how I got here. In my head, I'm still that kid who grew up in the suburbs and is trying to get a grasp on what I'm doing with my life while in actuality I'm pretty urbanized by now, know what I want to do, and am more or less doing it. It just keeps boggling my mind, as one of my good friends from high school who did theater for all four of our years there and studied and performed in Chicago and New York is now a flight attendant for Delta, while I've pulled a 180 and jumped into the theater community through an open window. We're both happy but it just goes to show that, as John Lennon so eloquently put it, "Life is what happens when you're making other plans."

Why am I saying all of this? Because I've changed - and this blog is changing along with me. Never fear, I still plan on being the same nerdy, fandom-focused person I've always been. But there's going to be a lot more theater posting, I figure. I'm trying to get a grasp on how I want to discuss theater beyond my work and this is likely the testing grounds for it all. So bear with me - this, as it always has been, is a work in process.


Let's go.

2 comments:

  1. I love these updates! I haven't been on your blog for the longest time, but getting to know how and why you got to where you are (congrats!) is very inspiring. I also appreciate your realism (dunno if that's a word) about the elephant in the room. I may or may not have the same issue - I haven't confirmed with any medical authority - but I am focusing on graduating university next year. I really want to get caught up with your posts, so here's hoping I can do so over winter break! Best wishes to you!

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    1. Thank you so much, anon! Happy to hear you enjoy reading this and best wishes to you as well :)

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